Communication is both incredibly important and surprisingly elusive.
Many adults struggle with effective communication. Both in logistic terms—they lack the skills to express their thoughts and feelings diplomatically and in a way that is maximally productive—and emotionally. They aren’t self-aware enough or confident enough to be vulnerable with another person.
Often, this is as much an environmental concern as it is anything else. People of a certain generation simply weren’t taught social-emotional skills in school or even at home. Things are a little different today. Emotional awareness is as much a priority as learning the alphabet in many schools.
Regardless, it’s still important to make a concerted effort to teach kids effective communication skills. In this article, we take a look at why it matters and what you can do to facilitate it.
What Do We Mean By Better Communication Skills?
That’s an important question to ask because the metric is far from objective. Does good communication skills mean that you’re an effective negotiator? You’re good at self-expression? You’re sensitive to the needs of others? Maybe it means some combination of all of the above.
Moreover, how does one measure these things? There are no objective criteria for good listening. There’s no grading rubric for effective self-expression. As a wise Supreme Court justice once said, maybe it’s just the sort of thing you’ll know when you see it.
Here’s the idea we’re working with in this article: good communication is simultaneously the ability to express yourself respectfully and completely while also listening attentively to someone else while they do the same.
In other words, it’s getting very good at hearing and being heard.
Why Do These Things Matter?
There are a few good reasons. One thing: people who lack fundamental communication skills are unable to self-express in moments of great importance. Parents with young children naturally find this idea concerning. If your child has a problem, you want them to be able to articulate it to you effectively.
Good communication skills also make you a better citizen—be that a citizen of your household, of your classroom, or of your wider community. A good communicator is constantly aware of the needs of the people they are interacting with. That’s an important skill that many people lack. It can be professionally useful. It can also just make you a decent person.
So that’s why communication matters. How can you foster it in a child?
Modeling Good Communication
The very best thing a parent can do is to model good communication skills at home. This will mean practicing active listening. It will also mean self-expressing with sometimes almost painfully vivid detail.
Make a point of explaining to your child why you’re communicating in a way that can at times feel stilted or tedious. You might find yourself using phrases like, “When you act this way, it makes me feel [blank],” which is admittedly the sort of phrase that comes right out of a therapist’s office. But there’s a reason for that. This type of social-emotional communication works.
When you model that type of behavior, it teaches your child to think about what they want, but also about how their actions make another person feel. So many behaviors are the product of habit. If you can emphasize good communication skills to your child at home, it will become second nature for them when they are out in the world.
Prioritize Social-Emotional Awareness
For your child to be an effective communicator, they also need some level of self-awareness. You can help develop this by getting them to think actively about their feelings. Many schools are already pretty good about helping children develop their own emotional awareness. Be sure to practice these skills at home as well.
This can be as simple as spending 5 or 10 minutes a day talking about how the child feels, why they feel that way, at what point in the day their emotions change, and why. This practice can help them become better at articulating their emotions. It can also help them think actively about how acute feelings might be influencing their communication decisions.
Are they brisk when they’re grumpy? Perhaps giddy when they’re happy? The answer, of course, is probably yes. Adults understand that good communication requires a level of emotional continuity that is difficult for a child to grasp natively. They’re very reactive to whatever is happening in the moment. That’s normal. Okay, even. Fine.
From a social communication standpoint, it’s something that they’ll want to overcome with time. Social-emotional awareness can help them use effective language even in moments of emotional volatility.
When Extra Help is Needed
There are certain situations for which professional intervention may be required. This is an idea that has become increasingly normalized in recent years. If your child has difficulty self-expressing in a respectful or productive manner, they might benefit from the services of a psychiatrist. This does not mean that there is anything wrong with them, or even that they are uniquely challenged at communication. It simply means that you’ve recognized something they need to work on and are taking steps to address it proactively.
If your child has a physical barrier to speech, that’s a different consideration. Speech-language pathologists can provide incredible relief, even to very serious impediments.
Stuttering or stammering can create an enormous barrier to self-expression. It can also have a wide range of psychological consequences. When someone lacks confidence in the way they talk, they tend to stop talking. For a child, this can be incredibly alienating.
The good news is that there is no need to suffer silently. Speech-language pathologists have a high success rate.
They can result in benefits beyond simply overcoming the speech impediment. If your child needs help beyond what you can provide communicating, there’s nothing wrong with that. We exist in a world filled with professionals very capable of helping—take advantage.
Be Part of the Change
If you are interested in making a serious difference in the lives of children, consider a career in speech-language pathology. Of course, you’ll have questions. How long does it take to become certified? How much does a speech-language pathologist make? What roles can you assume once you become certified? The answers to these questions and more are both complicated and in some cases, regionally nuanced. Do research to determine if this is the right career for you.
