Kids’ emotions are all over the place, a lot like their toys. From one minute to the next you don’t know what emotion is going to show up, or when one will surface without warning. Some of this is due to biological factors — changing brains, developing nervous systems, and growing impulse control. Some is due to the fact that kids are basically new to the world. They’re still learning about all the ways that things affect them.
You can’t change biology overnight or fast-track emotional maturity, but you can — and should — help kids cope with their emotions. Because as much as little Jimmy’s tantrums frustrate you while you’re at Home Depot trying to arrange your new carpet installation, little Jimmy is also feeling terrible. But contrary to most adults, many kids don’t yet have the set of tools to recognize, name, and communicate how they’re feeling.
And that makes all the difference. Because when kids can’t label what they’re experiencing internally, one likely outcome is that those feelings come out through sometimes explosive behavior.
What Happens When Children Learn Feeling Words
Imagine your child on the playground. Another kid cuts in line for the slide. A child without emotional language might push back physically or run away crying. Compare that to a child who can verbalize, “Hey, I was next and that’s not fair. That hurts my feelings.” Often very different outcomes from the same situation.
This skill set ripples outward into every part of their world. Friendships deepen because they understand what their buddies might be going through. School becomes easier to handle because setbacks don’t trigger complete shutdowns. Some families find that online therapy for kids provides extra support when building these foundations, especially if a child needs more personalized help.
Charts, Wheels, and Other Visual Helpers
Emotion charts work because visual supports make abstract feelings more concrete and accessible for kids. These posters display different facial expressions alongside feeling labels. You can buy fancy ones or print a free downloadable.
Starting point? Stick with four basic feelings: happy, sad, mad, scared. Don’t overwhelm them with 20 options right away. Once those four start to feel familiar and usable, add layers. Mad can branch into annoyed, frustrated, furious, or grumpy.
Turn chart time into a daily check-in routine. Maybe right after school or before bed, everyone points to how they’re feeling. This regular practice normalizes talking about emotions and makes the vocabulary second nature. Get silly with it sometimes. Make exaggerated faces together while looking at the chart. Kids remember lessons better when laughter’s involved.
Turn Learning Into Playtime
Feelings charades works like magic. One person acts out an emotion without speaking while others guess. You’ll probably crack up watching dad try to pantomime “embarrassed” or seeing your 5-year-old’s interpretation of “frustrated.”
Stuffed animals and action figures become your teaching assistants too. Set up scenarios where toys face emotional situations. “Teddy’s friend said something mean to him at school. I wonder how Teddy feels.” Guide your child through the toy’s problem-solving process. Many kids begin to absorb these lessons and, over time, apply them to their own situations.
Weave Feelings Into Regular Conversations
Talk about your own emotions to model behavior. Burned dinner? “Ugh, I’m feeling really disappointed, because I wanted this to turn out nice.” This running commentary demonstrates that all feelings are normal and worth discussing.
Try not to definitively label your child’s emotions, as you may get it wrong. Instead, offer possibilities and ask them to choose a “feeling” word that reflects their emotions. Get them to actively consider their internal state by asking something like, “Are you feeling sad, confused, or angry?”
Building Skills That Last a Lifetime
You’re not just solving today’s meltdown problem. What you’re actually doing is handing them tools they’ll lean on for decades to come. The child who learns at 6-years-old how to say, “I’m feeling jealous” instead of hitting their friend? Fast-forward 10 years and they’re the teenager having actual conversations with you about their struggles instead of shutting you out completely. These skills are associated with better relationship skills, self-advocacy, and emotional awareness later in life. These adults may be better able to navigate relationships without constant drama, speak up for themselves at work, and know when they’re overwhelmed and need to ask for help.
None of this requires you to be perfect at it. Pick one strategy that feels doable right now and run with it for a bit. Whatever small seeds you plant today have the potential to support growth later on.
Resources reviewed:
https://headstart.gov/mental-health/article/fostering-emotional-literacy-young-children-labeling-emotions
https://www.theottoolbox.com/a-guide-to-emotions-check-in-for-kids/
